es // coffee is for lovers


she sends her regards

musings, ink stains & siren songs

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Blue lights and sirens
cb // get out of my dreams you scum

This past weekend came and went in a blur. It was full of time with friends and being away from all the stress in my life, though it did wind back up in the epicenter of stress on Sunday late afternoon, it did. But, at least I had a mini-sabbatical from it. I needed it.

Friday night was Allison Anders and Ione Skye and Gas Food Lodging. The movie hit me in such a different way than the last times I’ve watched it. It had been awhile since I’d seen it, so long that there were details and scenes I’d forgotten about, including the ending.

I forgot that the ending broke my heart, even though it had an element of hope in the sadness in regards to life, and love.

I saw myself so much in Fairuza Balk’s character, even though she is so young in it, Shade being sixteen and so naive. I saw the me at that age, and the way I felt (and over-felt) things, the kind of boy I fell for (at least the first one), and how wistful I once was to know my estranged father.

I saw myself, too, in Brooke Adams’ character, Slade and Trudi’s mother, but not as much as I’d expected to. There were parts of who she was I just couldn’t wrap my head around, in some of the ways she reacted to her daughters, especially how she was with Trudi – I just couldn’t stand it. But, in her alone times, and in her dealings with one of the men in her life, I very much related.

Allison was incredible to hear speak, and to meet. I especially enjoyed and appreciated her speaking on her writing process, and how certain details, like the glowing rocks, made it into the story, and screenplay. We all insert parts of our life and life experience into what we write, no matter what the genre – I think all writers know that to a point. But, its nice to see another writer acknowledge it.

The desert has always had a special place in my heart, and has woven itself into some of my storytelling. So, for me, this film is one of my many muses.

Saturday night it was dinner with my oldest friend. We went to The Twisted Vine for tapas and shared a bottle of wine and all these delicious small bites . They were playing this great mix of late 80’s alternative music the likes of Love & Rockets, INXS, Peter Murphy. We went from there to a few bars in downtown Fullerton, saw two bands play – one was a mediocre 90’s cover band and the other a stellar rockabilly trio that blew us both away. Rum and Diet Cokes were my drink of choice. We briefly ended up at a small bar that was hosting karaoke, though we didn’t stay long. From there we went to the Rio, a dive bar that also hosts karaoke, one that she and I used to frequent. It was the place I met my husband at.

It was odd to be there, especially now that things have gone so awry in my marriage. But, we did meet-up with a friend of my friend’s who I never met. She and one of her friends ended back at my friend’s house and we ended up talking and playing vinyl albums all night, finally going off to bed after 7am.  I don’t remember the last time I had an all-nighter like that.

We woke up at 11, both hungry and slightly hungover. we went looking for breakfast burritos, but much to our chagrin most places were closed for Easter. We finally found a place, limping in with sunglasses on and looking like rock stars post-gig and post all-nighter, not exactly an Easter Sunday look.

We spent the rest of the late morning/early afternoon cross-legged on two sides of the couch, talking and laughing, and recovering. There’s nothing quite like time with your best friend, there really isn’t.

A headache and tired eyes accompanied me home. I showered quickly and the kids and I went to my mom and stepdad’s for dinner. I missed my older daughter, wishing she’d been able to come, but she was on shift at work. I got to play with my niece and nephew though, their laughter made me forget that I needed sleep.

I grabbed a too strong coffee on the way home that didn’t even phase me really. I suppose it kept me awake for a little bit though, as I was able to get through this week’s Walking Dead before collapsing into a much needed sleep.

Today it was the gym in the early morning. Bikes and treadmill with The Libertines and Abba singing in my ears. Then work, and lunch out for a veggie burger and tempura green beans. Writing and working today, and feeling inspired, albeit a little blue.

The stress of trying to find a new place to live is creeping back in. I’d escaped it a bit over the weekend, but its back. I’m just trying to breathe and trust it will all work out.

Tonight, I just want to listen to the Jackals and work on some writing…

Victory Gin (live) :: Carl Barât And The Jackals

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Sounds like you had quite the weekend!

I admit I have never watched Gas Food Lodging, but I have put it on my "To Watch" list now. I usually find it inspiring too, if writers talk and open up about the creative process of writing. Even though it's a very individual thing how people go about the actual writing (and what they write about), there are always certain parallels. And it's definitely true that the writer's own life experiences will always influence their work, albeit not always in an obvious way.

I hope the blues will lift soon. xxx

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